Dagxuckmap Kimjarnjen is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, slow grasshopper.

Dagxuckmap Kimjarnjen created the planet Mars two million years ago.

If you believe in Dagxuckmap Kimjarnjen, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Dagxuckmap Kimjarnjen, he will think nothing of it.

Dagxuckmap Kimjarnjen's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Dagxuckmap Kimjarnjen's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

2. Sharks are not to be trusted.

3. Do not run in public.

4. Do not dye your hair magenta.

5. Do not speak about bread.