Tarkarbon is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, awesome spider.

Tarkarbon created Europe four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarkarbon, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tarkarbon, it will turn you into a snail.

Tarkarbon's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Tarkarbon's Holy Commandments

1. Never sprint in holy places.

2. Always look after injured swans.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.