Vonkflabjen is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, proud dove.

Vonkflabjen created an up quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkflabjen, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Vonkflabjen, she will turn you into a rock.

Vonkflabjen's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Vonkflabjen's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear green scarves.

2. Vonkflabjen must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never talk about seals.

4. Feed all hungry ducks.

5. Do not covet oxen.