Jonlaknur is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, caring porpoise.

Jonlaknur created Africa five million years ago.

If you believe in Jonlaknur, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Jonlaknur, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Jonlaknur's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Jonlaknur's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Jonlaknur's name in vain.

2. Never write about dwarf planets.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near ants while wearing mauve shirts.