Ventanrip is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, humorless clam.

Ventanrip created water six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ventanrip, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Ventanrip, he will turn you into a dog.

Ventanrip's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Ventanrip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your hands.

2. Do not hurt birds.

3. Never talk about quantum gravity near rats while wearing mauve shirts.

4. Always make sure there are no mites in a room before entering it.

5. Ventanrip loves shrews, so they must be honoured.