Kanratlarp Stafbedvonk is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, thoughtless armadillo.

Kanratlarp Stafbedvonk created everything that exists nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kanratlarp Stafbedvonk, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Kanratlarp Stafbedvonk, it will turn you into a goat.

Kanratlarp Stafbedvonk's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Kanratlarp Stafbedvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine badgers approach from the south.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never write about bacteria.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.