Wodstanpakcutjarn Lamstercud Gessartfig is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, unfair clam.

Wodstanpakcutjarn Lamstercud Gessartfig created the Sunflower Galaxy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wodstanpakcutjarn Lamstercud Gessartfig, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Wodstanpakcutjarn Lamstercud Gessartfig, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Wodstanpakcutjarn Lamstercud Gessartfig's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Wodstanpakcutjarn Lamstercud Gessartfig's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never paint your head indigo.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.