Janyatzim Vigruttdin is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, egotistical gerbil.

Janyatzim Vigruttdin created the universe three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Janyatzim Vigruttdin, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Janyatzim Vigruttdin, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Janyatzim Vigruttdin's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Janyatzim Vigruttdin's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Always wear white.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not keep five birds in a large pit.

5. Do not make images of living things.