Jopwabzag is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, strong human.

Jopwabzag created water three million years ago.

If you believe in Jopwabzag, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Jopwabzag, he will turn you into a goat.

Jopwabzag's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Jopwabzag's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about thermodynamics.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a building before entering it.