Bagartjan is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, almighty warg.

Bagartjan created oxygen five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bagartjan, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bagartjan, he will turn you into a snail.

Bagartjan's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Bagartjan's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never write about optics.

3. Do not wear violet clothing.

4. Swans are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Bagartjan must be the most important thing in your life.