Flablammut is a god.

It takes the form of a large, quiet spider.

Flablammut created life five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flablammut, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Flablammut, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Flablammut's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Flablammut's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never write about asteroids.

4. Never talk about optics near mites while wearing black tights and balancing four platinum spheres on your face.

5. Never eat bark.