Vonklegbonk Linjigster is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, staggering armadillo.

Vonklegbonk Linjigster created an atom five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonklegbonk Linjigster, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Vonklegbonk Linjigster, he will turn you into a rat.

Vonklegbonk Linjigster's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Vonklegbonk Linjigster's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick sheep.

2. Never feed lots of limes to shrews while wearing pink shoes.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never leap in holy places.

5. Never talk about dark energy.