Zakcamfet is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, unsympathetic swan.

Zakcamfet created an up quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Zakcamfet, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Zakcamfet, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Zakcamfet's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Zakcamfet's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate snails.

3. Learn three new languages a year.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.