Mabtonvonk Jarnwodbet is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, cheerful parrot.

Mabtonvonk Jarnwodbet created a top quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Mabtonvonk Jarnwodbet, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Mabtonvonk Jarnwodbet, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Mabtonvonk Jarnwodbet's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Mabtonvonk Jarnwodbet's Holy Commandments

1. Mabtonvonk Jarnwodbet loves otters, so they must be respected.

2. Do not wear mauve clothing.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not sit in public.

5. Always wear orange.