Quamdimmis is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, resourceful scorpion.

Quamdimmis created vertebrates four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quamdimmis, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Quamdimmis, she will turn you into a goat.

Quamdimmis' most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Quamdimmis' Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bananas to voles while wearing coats.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quamdimmis.

4. Never talk about solid mechanics near manatees while wearing black dresses and balancing four lead spheres on your back.

5. Never go into mauve rooms.