Witcudjapvid is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, egotistical jaguar.

Witcudjapvid created an up quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Witcudjapvid, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Witcudjapvid, it will be very sad.

Witcudjapvid's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Witcudjapvid's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick great tits.

2. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

3. Do not keep five doves in a large pit.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Erect a giant blue sculpture of Witcudjapvid in the centre of the settlement.