Goddamxuc is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, moody badger.

Goddamxuc created a charm quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Goddamxuc, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Goddamxuc, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Goddamxuc's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Goddamxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Put Goddamxuc first in all things.

2. Never think about spacetime near turtles while wearing red jumpers and balancing five zinc spheres on your arms.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Hide if eight squirrels approach from the north.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.