Kankenrul Witguppas is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, boastful jaguar.

Kankenrul Witguppas created dark matter three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kankenrul Witguppas, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Kankenrul Witguppas, he will refuse to believe in you.

Kankenrul Witguppas' most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Kankenrul Witguppas' Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine monkeys approach from the east.

2. Feed all hungry hamsters.

3. Never feed lots of onions to dolphins while wearing fawn scarves.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.