Sadwapsanmegbegvedkemhog is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, staggering octopus.

Sadwapsanmegbegvedkemhog created humankind four billion years ago.

If you believe in Sadwapsanmegbegvedkemhog, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Sadwapsanmegbegvedkemhog, it will turn you into a worm.

Sadwapsanmegbegvedkemhog's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Sadwapsanmegbegvedkemhog's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Always obey Sadwapsanmegbegvedkemhog's priests.

3. Hide if nine aardvarks approach from the south.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Feed all hungry tortoises.