Quamladgemcap is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, selfish camel.

Quamladgemcap created the planet Saturn six million years ago.

If you believe in Quamladgemcap, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Quamladgemcap, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Quamladgemcap's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Quamladgemcap's Holy Commandments

1. Quamladgemcap loves voles, so they must be respected.

2. Never write about gravity.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never feed lots of turnips to great tits while wearing indigo tights.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force near shrews while wearing pink corsets and balancing six nickel spheres on your head.