Vonknelmis is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, omnipotent donkey.

Vonknelmis created a top quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonknelmis, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Vonknelmis, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Vonknelmis' most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Vonknelmis' Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Do not sprint in public.

3. Never think about black holes.

4. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Vonknelmis on top of all buildings.

5. Never eat green fruit.