Zakquamkad is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, intelligent wasp.

Zakquamkad created a top quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Zakquamkad, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Zakquamkad, she will refuse to believe in you.

Zakquamkad's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Zakquamkad's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick nematodes.

2. Never wear violet coats.

3. Hide if four badgers approach from the north.

4. Never talk about gravity.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.