Ontfaghun is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, weak penguin.

Ontfaghun created a down quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Ontfaghun, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Ontfaghun, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Ontfaghun's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Ontfaghun's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Ontfaghun.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Do not kill gulls.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate manatees.

5. Do not cook food in pots.