Flamxentifflantanlakrilten is a god.

She takes the form of a large, compassionate newt.

Flamxentifflantanlakrilten created an atom five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flamxentifflantanlakrilten, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Flamxentifflantanlakrilten, she will remove you from existence.

Flamxentifflantanlakrilten's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Flamxentifflantanlakrilten's Holy Commandments

1. Always help doves in need.

2. Draw representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never eat figs.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.