Arfappfot Gofcatlab is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, intelligent gnu.

Arfappfot Gofcatlab created the Sun four million years ago.

If you believe in Arfappfot Gofcatlab, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Arfappfot Gofcatlab, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Arfappfot Gofcatlab's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Arfappfot Gofcatlab's Holy Commandments

1. Never hop near pigs.

2. Do not shave your neck.

3. Retreat if nine tortoises approach from the south.

4. Do not dye your hair violet.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.