Hasarnvonk is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, capable raccoon.

Hasarnvonk created snails five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hasarnvonk, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Hasarnvonk, he will turn you into a slug.

Hasarnvonk's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Hasarnvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Always help turtles.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Hasarnvonk.

4. Never talk about galaxies.

5. Feed all hungry snails.