Jabkadlen is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, moody capybara.

Jabkadlen created tapeworms three million years ago.

If you believe in Jabkadlen, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jabkadlen, he will turn you into a plant.

Jabkadlen's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Jabkadlen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Worship no other gods but Jabkadlen.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate tapirs.

4. Erect a giant gray sculpture of Jabkadlen in the centre of the settlement.

5. You must love Jabkadlen.