Cumjopfig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, clever zebra.

Cumjopfig created the Sun five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cumjopfig, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Cumjopfig, he will turn you into a plant.

Cumjopfig's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Cumjopfig's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about thermodynamics.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not keep seven goats in a large pit.