Govjaptonk is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, loving whale.

Govjaptonk created oxygen nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Govjaptonk, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Govjaptonk, he will turn you into a mouse.

Govjaptonk's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Govjaptonk's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from violet hamsters, for they are unholy.

2. Always wear orange.

3. Never think about galaxies.

4. Do not sit in public.

5. Never think about dark energy near manatees while wearing purple shirts and balancing seven copper spheres on your feet.