Kikquamhon is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, competent clam.

Kikquamhon created tapeworms three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kikquamhon, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Kikquamhon, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Kikquamhon's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Kikquamhon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not eat garlic.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Never think about quantum gravity near frogs while wearing red shorts and balancing seven silver spheres on your legs.