Funbomlan is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, fast cat.

Funbomlan created a down quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Funbomlan, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Funbomlan, he will turn you into a snail.

Funbomlan's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Funbomlan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Funbomlan's name in vain.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

5. Always take life seriously.