Bess Labnurtken is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, amazing lobster.

Bess Labnurtken created bats five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bess Labnurtken, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Bess Labnurtken, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Bess Labnurtken's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Bess Labnurtken's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Retreat if six snails approach from the east.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Always make sure there are no sharks in a building before entering it.