Xucartbumtik is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, cheerful dove.

Xucartbumtik created the cosmos three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xucartbumtik, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Xucartbumtik, he will turn you into a puffin.

Xucartbumtik's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Xucartbumtik's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of peas to foxes while wearing gray dresses.

2. Hide from brown dolphins for they are unholy.

3. Never talk about cell theory.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not listen to music.