Quafgutsand Gam is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, narcissistic slug.

Quafgutsand Gam created the world two million years ago.

If you believe in Quafgutsand Gam, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Quafgutsand Gam, she will turn you into a puffin.

Quafgutsand Gam's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Quafgutsand Gam's Holy Commandments

1. Quafgutsand Gam loves aardvarks, so they must be honoured.

2. Never hurt seals.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Erect nine silver sculptures of Quafgutsand Gam on top of important buildings.

5. Never eat bark.