Govtipsag is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, all-knowing tortoise.

Govtipsag created dark matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Govtipsag, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Govtipsag, he will jump up and down on your head.

Govtipsag's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Govtipsag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear purple clothing.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Govtipsag.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force near grasshopers while wearing magenta jumpers and balancing eight lead spheres on your feet.

5. Do not eat limes.