Tonzenvad is a god.
He takes the form of a very large, tiresome
monkey.
Tonzenvad created the planet Earth eight billion years ago.
If you believe in
Tonzenvad, he will grant your every wish.
If you do not believe in
Tonzenvad, he will manifest in front of you.
Tonzenvad's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.
Tonzenvad's Holy Commandments1. Do not eat beans.
2. Never eat cherries.
3. Worship no other gods but Tonzenvad.
4. Always help dolphins in need.
5. Never sit in the presence of ducks.