Bessragtadvedbass is a god.

She takes the form of a large, irritating armadillo.

Bessragtadvedbass created water nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bessragtadvedbass, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Bessragtadvedbass, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bessragtadvedbass' most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Bessragtadvedbass' Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Bessragtadvedbass.

2. Never mention foxes.

3. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

4. Bessragtadvedbass loves monkeys, so they must be respected.

5. Run away if five seals approach from the north.