Funwodhit Dussladflap Wabspagjig is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, slow gerbil.

Funwodhit Dussladflap Wabspagjig created the planet Venus six million years ago.

If you believe in Funwodhit Dussladflap Wabspagjig, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Funwodhit Dussladflap Wabspagjig, he will remove you from existence.

Funwodhit Dussladflap Wabspagjig's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Funwodhit Dussladflap Wabspagjig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill voles.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate great tits.

3. Funwodhit Dussladflap Wabspagjig loves nematodes, so they must be honoured.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Funwodhit Dussladflap Wabspagjig.

5. Never talk about dark matter near monkeys while wearing green scarves and balancing nine copper spheres on your back.