Benbutyattkan is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, witty crane.

Benbutyattkan created a down quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Benbutyattkan, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Benbutyattkan, it will send you a sign.

Benbutyattkan's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Benbutyattkan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Always help sick whales.

3. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Monkeys are unholy and should not be approached.