Quimmutmad is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, idiotic snail.

Quimmutmad created carbon eight million years ago.

If you believe in Quimmutmad, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quimmutmad, he will curse you with boils.

Quimmutmad's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Quimmutmad's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never talk about cell theory.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.