Lamjonyar is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, amazing penguin.

Lamjonyar created the world three million years ago.

If you believe in Lamjonyar, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Lamjonyar, she will be mildly annoyed.

Lamjonyar's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Lamjonyar's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. You must pray to Lamjonyar eight times a day.

3. Never feed rice to gulls while wearing mauve rings.

4. Draw representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.