Talmongess is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, stupid gorilla.

Talmongess created the Milkyway four million years ago.

If you believe in Talmongess, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Talmongess, it will turn you into a tree.

Talmongess' most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Talmongess' Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick capybaras.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Worship no other gods but Talmongess.

4. Never think about nebulae.

5. Always help grasshopers in need.