Tofmotbess is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, bad-tempered snail.

Tofmotbess created an up quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tofmotbess, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tofmotbess, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Tofmotbess' most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Tofmotbess' Holy Commandments

1. Always wear mauve.

2. Never think ill of sick aardvarks.

3. Tofmotbess loves mites, so they must be honoured.

4. Never think about optics near manatees while wearing cyan shoes and balancing nine carbon spheres on your legs.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.