Kikmetzag is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, blissful crab.

Kikmetzag created the planet Mars twelve years ago.

If you believe in Kikmetzag, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kikmetzag, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Kikmetzag's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Kikmetzag's Holy Commandments

1. Kikmetzag must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Hide if nine doves approach from the west.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate eagles.

5. Always make sure there are no ducks in a room before entering it.