Dotyarpyim is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, awesome raccoon.

Dotyarpyim created the Small Magellanic Cloud two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dotyarpyim, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Dotyarpyim, he will come to you in dreams.

Dotyarpyim's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Dotyarpyim's Holy Commandments

1. Put Dotyarpyim first in all things.

2. Never talk about quantum gravity.

3. Hide if six aardvarks approach from the north.

4. Never skip in holy places.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Dotyarpyim.