Nurtimciss is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, merciless newt.

Nurtimciss created matter four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtimciss, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Nurtimciss, he will turn you into a mouse.

Nurtimciss' most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Nurtimciss' Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. Never feed apples to horses while wearing pink scarves.

3. Never hurt mites.

4. Erect a large silver sculpture of Nurtimciss on top of all buildings.

5. Erect a giant purple sculpture of Nurtimciss in the centre of the settlement.