Gilwabnur is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, selfish guinea pig.

Gilwabnur created the Sun nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gilwabnur, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Gilwabnur, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Gilwabnur's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Gilwabnur's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never wear trousers.

4. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near goats while wearing indigo kilts and balancing seven iron spheres on your back.

5. Hide if eight manatees approach from the north.