Faskenmaddim is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, intelligent grasshopper.

Faskenmaddim created everything that exists five million years ago.

If you believe in Faskenmaddim, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Faskenmaddim, she will turn you into a mole.

Faskenmaddim's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Faskenmaddim's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark energy near capybaras while wearing blue scarves and balancing nine nickel spheres on your hands.

2. Do not shave your back.

3. Run away from orange frogs, for they are unholy.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Always stare at clouds.