Xucquatcad is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, selfish centipede.

Xucquatcad created humankind twelve years ago.

If you believe in Xucquatcad, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Xucquatcad, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Xucquatcad's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Xucquatcad's Holy Commandments

1. Whales are not to be trusted.

2. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never talk about optics near rats while wearing yellow corsets.

5. Do not chop down trees.