Ortdumjab is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, proud crab.

Ortdumjab created the Andromeda Galaxy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Ortdumjab, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Ortdumjab, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Ortdumjab's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Ortdumjab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity near dolphins while wearing black tights and balancing seven nickel spheres on your feet.

2. Never think about eukaryotes.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not take Ortdumjab's name in vain.

5. Never look in ponds.